I've been suffering from some depression that has made me feel mildly dramatic and completely snuffed my desire to be creative in the least [Health issues that have impaired my breathing ability have also affected me]. However, I miss my pixel art, I miss striving for the realism in anatomy and emotion with diligent pecks of mouse-clicking. I miss drowning any real feeling in the determination of finishing the cheekbones and sketching new poses.

I've been pixeling for what is coming up on ten years, now [I'll be up to 9 years in April]. When I began, I taught myself HTML, PHP, CSS and some JS [not all in that order], met friend upon friend in the pixel community [Thank you, Orathty] and discovered I could create things I was proud of. Four years into it, after some financial disappointments, I seemed to spiral downhill, taking longer and longer breaks from my bouts of creativity and all the while, a few things stayed the same.

First of all, I always improved. I always learned something new. I always developed a new technique and tried another. My colors always stayed bright, vivid and cheerful. And I always complained about how difficult it was to master the male form. I even got so carried away with avoiding having to deal with the [absolute] lack of curvature that is the stocky, squarish and aggressive form of the masculine body that I even [for the most part] stayed safely within the lines of my own lesbianism. My art became cultishly Dianic [religiously feminine] in almost every way.

And so, as time has passed and I've come closer to getting to see a therapist [ah, depression], my creativity has still been here, musing over the best way to get me so inspired as to be motivated to create again. And I have been inspired to make a decision.

I will master the male form. I will practice, I will pull my hair and I will make men look feminine over and over again until I can make them look like the hulking, sexy things that a majority of women see them as.

So, look for it. Look for the first piece, because I already have an idea spinning in the back of my stubborn brain.

As a side note, I miss you all, and although I won't return to deviantart, I will retain my website and update it when I finally succumb to the addiction of pixel art again.


Gentle Breezes & Uplifting Emotions,
Ali / Ubii / Ai